Sunday, November 25, 2007
Officer?Just came back from exercising and I think that I need to share this with you guys.
As I was running, trying to pace myself so that I can improve my stamina and timing, I suddenly felt a surge of pain around my chest. Initially I wanted to ignore it but as I kept pushing forward, the pain gets more intense. Well if you think that this isn't a great deal of problem to me, you are dead wrong. If you think that I could escape this pain by not running and exercising or doing sports which are extreme, I guess you haven't known me very well.
If you ask me if I'm worried, my answer would be a 'definitely yes'. I'm so scared that I cannot push myself beyond my threshold when I train, so worried that I can't maximise my ability in what I'm capable of doing, that I can't train so hard so that I can be the best, so afraid that things won't go as I've planned. That I won't become an officer in the army.
I remembered that I once asked the doctor if this pain in my chest is anything serious, that could danger my lung or even my heart when I visited the clinic. She told me that it was nothing real serious and it would go away when I regain full health from my cough. Indeed I'm having cough now but I really doubt that they are corelated. I feel that this isn't the right approach to think that I would be well so long as I'm done with my cough.
I'm feeling super despair because of this pain. I don't want to lose my fitness and thereafter not being able to accomplish what I've planned for so long. I don't want to become a Pes E clerk, downgraded from B and beccome some weak guy that can't even run 2.4km without stopping to relieve the pain. I don't want to lose what I used to have and definitely not losing the chance to obtain that one bar when I didn't even have the chance to try, to give my best. That's not being me at all.
So is this being fair ?
I really don't know.
But one thing that I strongly believe is that I'm in my lord's hand. This one thing that I know gives me the strength and faith to say that no matter what is going to happen, my father, my lord Jesus would give me the best. I've experienced it before and thus I know that none other than my father, nothing is able to give me an answer to what's going to happen and nothing is able to satisfy my desire to know why sometimes life is so unfair. So Weijie, you think that being an officer is surely the best?
I know that I need to give up things that I'm so dearly clinched onto, so that my father's will can be done and not mine. I know that I can plan and map my path but it's god that determine my way. I'm certain that I can't do anything without his blessings. Without it, I'm bound to fail even with the best effort that I've put in.
I really hope that I would not backdown, never give up and never lose faith on him!
Nothing has the power to safe, but your name.
Do pray for me ya?! Heh.
Labels: Post A' levels
posted @ 11:05 PM
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